Just Here for the Pain_gay rocker BDSM romance Read online

  “Both.” Why was this so hard to choke out when logically he knew there was nothing shameful about his preferences? Was it the years of indoctrination that he could never wash away? “I want to hurt. I want to feel small and worthless.” He could say it, since he had to, but he couldn’t look Asher in the eyes at the same moment. He still had a hard enough time believing the kid whose cherry he popped grew up to be… this.

  He could barely breathe when Asher’s boots stopped just inches from the tips of his own and only rose when Asher once again used Sid’ chain as a collar, tightening the metal links around his neck. Sid’s joints felt stiff, when Asher made him look up, standing before him like a hunky cardboard cut-out come to life. There was no place for someone like Asher in Sid’s life, and Sid didn’t belong in an elegant hotel like this one, but when Asher suddenly spun him around to face the bed, Sid’s heart actually stood still.

  This was where their worlds could meet, even if they were so incompatible otherwise.

  Asher often ogled him, Sid was sure of that. Yet it felt different this time. This time, Sid was allowing it to happen, and if Asher chose so, Sid would soon be naked. It excited him that the Dominant would choose the details of the encounter within a framework he’d offered. A decision out of Sid’s hands, yet still within his boundaries.

  He let out a soft sound when Asher moved his hands down his chest, squeezing Sid’s flesh as if he wanted to get reacquainted with him. “So you’ve finally grown greedy for cock, huh?” Asher whispered into Sid’s ear before picking up the hem of Sid’s tank top to reveal his chest.

  Sid’s breath hitched, and he still found it hard to reconcile the difference between the Asher who’d begged him for a date and gave him a million compliments with the Asher who was now ready to be harsh and demanding. In his mind, he’d always imagined Asher wanting a do-over of their first time together, but this was already so, so very different. Sid’s skin grew hot from Asher’s words alone, but Asher yanking off Sid’s tank top was yet another step in this madness. If his bandmates knew what he was doing behind their backs, he’d never hear the end of it.

  But he wanted this. And he had to get it somewhere, or he’d go mad.

  And there it was, the growing pressure in Sid’s nipples as Asher came back to them.

  “That’s just really slutty, you know that? Like you’re inviting men to come down your throat,” Asher said, moving the barbell in a circle, as if he wanted to twist the throbbing flesh off. It was beginning to hurt, and the thrill of that went right down to Sid’s balls.

  “Slutty is what I do with other men,” he said with a grin even as Asher pulled harder on the nipple. Go on, gag me if you don’t want to hear about it.

  Asher gave a low grunt and pushed Sid forward, so that his front lay on the bed. “What do you do with other men? Let them take turns at you?” he asked, reaching to the front of Sid’s pants to open them.

  Sid swallowed. In all honesty, he didn’t do all that much with anyone, as finding a partner with the right vibe was too much effort while on tour. He usually relied on quick blowjobs to relieve the tension every now and then, but even that became tricky the moment The Underdogs had become a viral sensation a few months back. The last thing he needed was someone talking to the press about his performance.

  This would be different.

  “I suck their dicks dry.” He glanced over his shoulder to see what reaction he’d get.

  Asher’s face became tense, his breath going shallow right before he stood straight and smacked his hand hard against Sid’s ass. “Supplementing your income by going freelance with that cock-sucking mouth?”

  Sid yelped at the impact, too surprised to stop his own voice. That was…intense. He hadn’t really expanded all that much on how exactly he liked being talked to during sex, but this totally pushed his buttons. “Economy’s sagging, you know.” But his breath was quicker, blood coursing through his veins faster.

  “So I’ve heard. Was that your ad on the wall in the public toilet at your motel? Blowjob for 5 bucks, no questions asked? I bet that’s gonna get you two hundred over the weekend,” Asher said, suddenly pulling on the back of Sid’s pants, which sent him straight into Asher’s arms. Strong fingers dug into Sid’s jaw, and two of the digits pushed at the seam of Sid’s lips.

  “What can I say? I’m efficien—”

  Asher slid his fingers into Sid’s mouth, making it impossible for him to speak. Sid hadn’t expected Asher to be this strong. He knew Asher kept himself in shape, but he’d always seen him as the hipster with the iPad and the Tesla, not someone who could really hold him down.

  He should be afraid, yet in this setting, the danger was only a turn on. Unlike the threat of uninvited touch he’d lived with for so long, this time Sid was inviting the violation, provoking more of it.

  “Forty dicks in one night? Really. Show me how it’s done then,” Asher encouraged, pressing his two fingers down on Sid’s tongue as he unzipped Sid’s pants with his free hand.

  Sid couldn’t believe he was doing it even as he sucked on the fingers, breathing hard through his nose. Was this a show put on for him? Or was this something Asher truly got off on too? Did it matter this one time?

  He covered Asher’s salty fingers in drool, making them slippery as he would Asher’s cock. Because he was sure he’d be doing that later. The perspective of sucking off a sweet guy with a crush on him made Sid want to yawn. Sucking off a guy who’d use his face as he wanted—now that was another matter.

  Asher grunted and forced the digits in, all the way to the knuckle, his fingertips teasing the back of Sid’s tongue. “That doesn’t feel right. You’re lying, aren’t you? You’re lousy at it.”

  Sid groaned and bit down on Asher’s fingers. Not hard, not to hurt him, but surely enough to warrant a smack? He didn’t even care anymore that he was dealing with Asher-the-stalker. What did it matter in the grand scheme of things if he was getting what he wanted, and Asher was getting…something clearly, as he wasn’t stopping.

  Asher gave a short yelp and twisted his hand in Sid’s mohawk, likely ruining it, but what did that matter when Sid’s scalp stung so deliciously from the forceful tugging? Sid wanted to be ruined and wrecked by the end of this evening.

  “You dirty whore. That’s how you wanna play?” Asher murmured, yanking on the hair as he moved across the room, forcing Sid to follow him while bent over.

  Sid panted, thrilled by not knowing what was coming next. Would Asher bind him? How would he do that? What would Asher use to hurt him? The paddle? A cane? Another little voice asked if Asher would actually react to the safeword, if it was used, but Sid dismissed it, too aroused to care.

  Asher forced Sid’s face into a corner, until both his cheeks rested against the meeting walls, and scratched him down the back for good measure. “I’m gonna teach you a lesson you won’t ever forget,” Asher said, abruptly pulling down Sid’s pants and underwear. Sid was now exposed, bent over, and facing the wall like a punished child.

  And already fully hard.

  What would Asher think of that? Would he judge Sid? He pressed his forehead to the wall, focusing on the scene only, not on the fact that he was submitting to the guy he’d been rejecting for years just because he offered to indulge Sid’s kinks.

  The hand squeezing his balls, almost too hard, had Sid shuddering, but he voiced no protests when Asher smacked his ass once more.

  “Stay like this, slut. I want to see your ass from wherever I stand in this room. I bet it’s just as well-used as your dicktrap mouth.”

  Where was all this vulgarity even coming from?

  Breathing hard, and with his eyes wide, Sid stayed put, bent over for Asher’s viewing pleasure, and stunned into silence. He’d never pinned Asher as particularly vicious, yet the words hit right where Sid wanted them to, the throbbing of pain in his soul resonating with the heat under his skin after the slap.

  Asher still stood right behind Sid. If he were here just for the sex, he could h
ave used this opportunity now. Was this what it was about? That he needed an excuse to get Sid naked?

  Behind him, Asher gave a raspy laugh. “Nothing to say? It’s all true then?”

  “I’m doing what you want,” Sid groaned. Being naked in front of a clothed Asher wasn’t helping either. The bundle of nerves in Sid’s stomach was confusing, but his arousal never wavered.

  “And you’re erect. Is it turning you on to think about all those cocks you’ve sucked?” Asher asked, finally moving away.

  At this point, the awkward position was starting to take its toll, with the stretching in the backs of his thighs turning into a burn, and a discomfort forming in his spine. He needed to tease more violence out of Asher.

  “Yes. Are you jealous?”

  He put his hands on the wall for more stability and couldn’t help but wonder if Asher liked seeing him like this. If he found it attractive, or if he was just giving this to Sid to get a fuck out of it. Did it matter?

  The silence lasted a bit longer than he’d expected, but it was filled by the sound of Asher rummaging through the bag that held all those delicious things that could make Sid fly and forget the hard man he was in his daily life.

  “Why would I be jealous of some dirty whore? It’s time to change your ways.”

  Sid swallowed, his skin getting hot as if his pores were about to turn into little volcanoes. Where had all that attitude even been hiding inside of Asher’s polite rich boy persona? “Time out.” He turned his head to Asher. “This is your first time doing this, right?”

  Asher stared at him from above the open bag, holding a large butt plug in hand and looking back at Sid with a forlorn expression. “Uh…that’s awkward. Did I do something wrong?”

  Sid swallowed and turned his face back to the wall. “No. Sorry. It’s hot.” He didn’t exactly want to give Asher compliments, but feedback was necessary in this kind of situation.

  “Shut your face.” Asher was right back in the scene, speaking louder now, as if the comment had spurred him on. “Maybe that’s what I should do? Stuff something in your mouth so that you’re not speaking out of turn.”

  Sid swallowed. Fuck, did he love gags. “You can try,” he said with a smirk.

  Asher sighed from his place by the bag. “The way I see it, there’s only one thing lips like that are good for. And it’s not talking,” he said, approaching him fast. The hand was back in Sid’s hair, pulling at it as if he were a doll to play with.

  Above him, Asher was breathing harder, his face bearing a healthy flush. “Open it up.”

  Sid clenched his teeth, but in turn Asher pressed on Sid’s cheeks and forced his mouth open, quickly pushing the ball of a gag in with his other hand. It was torment and soothing all at once. He was now free to not talk, not answer, and go with the flow. He didn’t have to fight Asher with his words, and even if he wanted to, he couldn’t.

  And Asher must have really gotten instruction from somewhere, because he checked the tightness of the gag and made sure Sid was unable to spit the ball out. Now it was on. Oh, how Sid had missed this. The last time he’d experienced anything even resembling a good BDSM session was two years ago, with a guy who then went off the radar.

  “That’s right bitch, no more talking back,” Asher growled, pinching Sid’s ass before pushing him harder against the wall. Sid moaned into the gag when both his arms were pulled back. Asher pressed his wrists together and wrapped them with tape.

  Sid could only hope it was bondage tape, not something like duct tape that would rip off his body hair, but Asher had claimed he’d done his research, and Sid didn’t want to break the scene and ask. He’d only just got the gag, so the last thing he wanted was to have to let it go.

  With each swirl of the wide tape up his arms, he had to straighten up more. It was strange how he’d be kicking and screaming at Asher doing this to him as the stalker catching his prey, yet loved it once he’d agreed to it. The same person, yet the context changed everything.

  It gave Sid a kick to hear Asher panting heavily already. So he wasn’t just doing it for Sid. Even if this was Asher’s first time doing this kind of thing, he was into it. Or at least into Sid’s ass enough to get excited regardless of the circumstances.

  Asher only finished with the tape once he reached halfway up Sid’s arms, but he wouldn’t let Sid have a breather and curled his fingers around his left arm, tugging hard. Sid stumbled onto the bed when his lowered pants tangled around his legs and cost him his balance. The soft mattress dipped, and he would have fallen off if Asher hadn’t rolled him farther in.

  “What the fuck is this? You should have undressed when we first got here, you dumb slut. You’re someone’s fuck-mattress every day. You should know this,” he growled, and the burn of the first smack against Sid’s face set off explosions of sensation down Sid’s body.

  He stared at Asher with his cheek throbbing from the heat, and he could hardly recognize who he was dealing with. The explosion of violence wasn’t what he expected at all from the well put together Asher. But he loved it.

  Raw, dominant, and take-charge, this was a part of Asher Sid had never seen before.

  With his arms tied back, his chest was exposed, giving Sid no way to hide just how quickly he was breathing or how stiff his dick was.

  Another slap, stronger than the last followed, this time to Sid’s other cheek. Asher grabbed his jaw and leaned over him, eyes wild with lust. “What do you think you’re looking at, huh?”

  Sid mumbled into the gag, finding so much peace in not really having to come up with an answer. Asher had forced him to choose a gag safety signal before, so Sid could moan and whine all he wanted until he hummed ‘Happy Birthday’ into the soft ball in his mouth.

  Asher stared at him for long-lasting seconds, and if someone had told Sid he was about to be murdered, in this moment he’d have believed that, but Asher eventually withdrew, yanking off Sid’s boots and then tugging on the jeans as if they were a nuisance.

  Sid whimpered when completely naked, surprised how much it affected him to be so vulnerable in this perfectly classy space so unlike a BDSM dungeon. Just to see Asher’s reaction, he began inching away on the bed as much as he was able to with bound arms.

  A smack landed on his bare ass right away, and then two strong hands curled around his ankles, dragging him so hard he slid off the bed along with the comforter, landing in a pile on the floor. He yelped in shock over how easily Asher manhandled him. So. Fucking. Hot.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Asher asked, pushing Sid back to the floor with his boot pressed to the center of Sid’s chest.

  Drool began to drip out of Sid’s lips, only adding to the sensation of pure helplessness. He could still try to kick, but it wasn’t like he actually wanted to. Instead he looked up at the man he’d been rejecting for years, confused, turned on, and anxious for his next move.

  Asher pressed on with the thick sole of his boot and twisted it against Sid’s skin, as if there was something he needed to squash. Gently at first, but when Sid didn’t protest, he let the grooves really pull on the flesh.

  “You’re never leaving this room.”

  Sid couldn’t blink, petrified and mesmerized by the man who seemed so perfectly adjusted to life in society yet was turning out to be completely savage. This was just a game, and yet he whimpered when Asher’s words sent a shiver down his spine.

  With one push of his foot, Asher spun Sid on the floor and kicked his ass before very slowly placing it between Sid’s thighs, the tip of it almost touching Sid’s vulnerable parts. It was a threat. One inch more and Sid’s balls would be bust.

  “You’re never sucking another guy’s dick again,” continued Asher, stomping his other foot down on Sid’s buttocks.

  Was he serious? No. He couldn’t be serious, since this was a one-time thing. Sid groaned and rubbed his forehead across the mangled bedding. He could still sense the gentle burn where Asher’s boot had been on his chest.

  “Stay,�
�� Asher commanded before retreating to the bag of supplies. Just hearing him rummage through it had Sid’s cock twitching against the carpet.

  He wouldn’t have exactly considered himself obedient, but the stern order glued him to the spot, even though he did press his thighs together. Having his arms tied back left him feeling so…free. He wasn’t expected to fight back. This wasn’t a challenge, and even if it was, getting himself free would have been close to impossible. Sid was resigned to his fate at Asher’s hands.

  When Asher returned, he put something on the floor. Sid tried to see what it was, but Asher forced his head back down and rolled out more of the tape. For a moment, Sid had no idea what his intention was, but then the rubbery plastic touched his eyes, and everything went dark.

  “No peeking, bitch. You have no say in any of this anyway.”

  Sid’s breath sped up as soon as Asher secured the blindfold on him. Yet another sense taken away, pushing him deeper into a world where he really had no choice, and where his body wasn’t even his anymore. His cock throbbed even harder, and he couldn’t help but rock his hips.

  The next thing he felt—a sharp, fast stroke to his ass—hadn’t been delivered with a bare hand. It bit the very surface of skin and radiated all the way to the tops of his thighs.

  “Shut up. Didn’t I fucking gag you so that you stop nagging me?” Asher asked and slammed Sid’s buttocks with what had to be some kind of small leather paddle. The sensation turned into a burn, which exploded with new sparks every time the tool fell to Sid’s flesh.

  There it was—the pain implemented by another man that Sid had been craving, spreading through his body like waves and making him twitch with every hit. It put his body on edge, anticipating every strike, yet never knowing when it would come. He even tried to stay quiet, but it was useless with particularly hard slaps. He was so greedy for the pain he wished for it to never end, but in his current state, he knew he’d regret it at some point.

  The beating stopped so suddenly he wanted to both protest and flee, but he ended up grunting when Asher pushed him over again and lifted one of Sid’s legs to his chest. The tape was so snug around the flesh when it created a tight cuff pressing Sid’s calf to the back of his thigh that he didn’t even mind the cramps in his tightly bound arms.